Chiropractor- AKA The Witch Doctor

I love my chiropractor. He makes my life better and my spine function as it should.

Every now and again I get muscle spasms in my back. Doesn't sound so bad, right? Wrong! These spasms render me partially paralyzed by making the most innocuous things (like sitting down) unbearably painful. I end up either half lying on the couch in a moderate amount of pain or shuffling around like a not-too-bright zombie.

Going to the regular doctor does nothing but score me some vicodin and cyclobenzoprene. While drugs are nice, they don't really do anything to fix the problem. They just make me semi-functional and slightly loopy. Eventually the muscles relax enough for me to go about daily life

But the chiropractor makes the pain go away completely! We like to call him The Witch Doctor. He passes this thing over you that squeaks if you're "out" anywhere. Then he finds out exactly where (aided by the squeaky thing), and once the spot is located, he contorts you around until things pop back into place. Snap! Crack! Pop! It feels soooo good. This is repeated until there are no more squeaks. You are pronounced "clear" and sent home to take it easy for a day or two. Then you are better! The pain sorts itself out and subsides.

I need to see this guy about twice a year. I can usually put myself back "in", but if several things build up I need him to do it. Of course, the build up of multiple issues results in lower back pain. Why? Because everything seems to tie in there. Of course it does! The lower back muscles respond my seizing up and refusing to let you do the most basic tasks like pooping or blowing your nose without violent protest.

This time I was out practically everywhere. First he cracked 3 of my fingers and my wrist. After that, my entire spine was set back in. Finally, my right foot was adjusted. My spine cracked so loud, crack crack crack crack alllllll the way up. Felt so amazingly good, though. I could just feel everything come back into proper place.

I am nearly back to full functioning, and it feels amazing. Currently, I am reveling in the act of sitting on the couch without hurting. Soon I'll be able to walk normally instead of looking like there's a particularly large stick up my ass. It's wonderful. I'd give him a hug and big wet kiss if that wasn't so, you know, weird and deeply inappropriate.